Cockroach by Sam Holcroft

The play

Nick Hern Books, London, 2008
First Staged: National Theatre of Scotland & Traverse Theatre at the Traverse Theatre, Edinburgh, 2008
Cast: 4f 2m

A seemingly normal detention in a seemingly normal modern-day comprefensive school. A teacher valiantly battles on with biology revision. She believes only education will set her pupils free. For outside the classroom, the world is in the middle of a long and bloody war.

Despite all her best efforts, too soon the tide of conflict is lapping at the school gates and, one by one, pupils and teacher are pulled under as their hopes and dreams float away from them.

Cockroach marks the arrival of a stratling new playwright talent, Sam Holcroft. Her play was directed by Vicky Featherstone, Artistic Director of the National Theatre of Scotland, and premiered at the Traverse Theatre, Edinburgh. It was a co-production between the National Theatre of Scotland and the Traverse.

Extract

Beth:    I said has anyone seen Leah or Lee? Does anyone know where they are? It’s five past. 
Davey:        No Miss, Sorry.
Beth:        Danielle?
Danielle:    I dunno Miss. Though she’s coming from English Miss, probably saying goodbye to everybody else whose going home, Miss.
Beth:    Don’t get smart with me, Danielle. You’d be going home too if you all hadn’t behaved like animals in my classroom.
Beth takes her walkie-talkie out of her holster and patches in.
    W11C can you hear me? 

I’m looking Leah Rose and Lee Donegal. They should be on their way to detention in W11C on the Science Corridor.
Only static patches back.
Beth clicks the walkie-talkie on and off. She tries again.
    “W11C to Referral Base, can you hear me? I’m looking for Leah Rose and Lee Donegal.
“Karen receiving, no sign of them here, we’ll put search out” patches back over the static.
The light extends to Leah and Lee looking dishevelled.
Beth:    You’re late.
Leah:    It weren’t my fault, Miss.
Beth:    Nothing’s ever your fault, Leah.
Leah:    No miss - It’s not! Candice couldn’t find her shoe, yeah - I mean what she was doing with her stinking feet out in the classroom I don’t know - but I couldn’t get out miss because we all had to stay and look for her shoe, and then she says I took it. What would I want with her shoe?
Beth:    Alright Leah, sit down.
Leah:    Asked to search my bag Miss. Thinking I had her shoe in her bag.
Beth:    Sit down, Leah.
Leah:    She wears a size eight. Does it look like I could fit a size eight in my bag? That’s a canoe Miss. Does it look like I could fit a canoe in this bag?
Beth:    Sit down. And be quiet, Leah.
Leah:    I’m just saying it weren’t my fault.
Leah goes to sit down.
Beth:    What did I say?
    Girls on one side, boys on the other.
    That goes for you too, Danielle. Davey. Up you get.
    Quickly. We are wasting good time here.
Beth patches in on the walkie-talkie as they all get up and reluctantly and noisily separate.
    W111C to Referral Base. Leah and Lee have arrived a class. Call of the search.
“Got it” patches back over the static. Beth holsters the walkie-talkie.
    Now sit down please everyone. 
    Leah, sit down please next chapter: Natural Selection, page 86, please head your revision with the title “Natural Selection”. Lee, you can’t write if you don’t have a pen. Please find a pen. Davey take your jumper off. If I see it again, you won’t see it again, alright?
Davey pulls his jumper off over his head.
        Thank you.
Lee, I said please find a pen.
Lee doesn’t move
        Lee.
Beth throws her biro across the desk to him.
        Write it down.
Lee writes
        Thank you.
    Ok, quickly  we’re going to go through this in bullet point format, easy to remember, now what two deductions did Charles Darwin make from his observations of population numbers…? All together now...
All:    Most offspring don’t survive…
Beth:    And thus!
All:    All organisms must have to struggle for survival.
Beth:    Good! And the ones that do survive will..?
All:     Pass on their genes.
Beth:    Fantastic, we are concentrating today people. What we have just described is “survival of the fittest”. Organisms with LESS SURVIVAL – VALUE (write it down please) will most likely die first, leaving the strongest and the fittest to pass on their genes. Please remember that “strongest and fittest” does not necessarily mean physically strong and physically fit, it means the individual best suited to the environment. We call this ADAPTATION (write it down please). A good example of this is the Cockroach.
Beth uploads a slide of the Cockroach.
Leah:    Gross, Miss!
Beth:    Yes, but a very good example all the same. Over the centuries as cockroaches have shared accommodation with man they have become smaller and flatter over time to ADAPT to a domestic environment. So each generation of cockroaches has had easier access to your larders and to places to hide from you.
Leah:    Rank.
Davey:    That’s rough, Miss.
Beth:    Do you see how by “strongest and fittest” I mean best adapted ? You would assume that the biggest and bulkiest cockroaches would survive, but not if it makes them easier to squash -
Leah’s phone beeps.
Leah checks her phone.
        (To Leah) Pass it over, please.
Leah:        Hang on a minute, Miss.
Beth:        Give me the phone, Leah.
Leah:        Oh my gosh…
Danielle:    What is it?
Beth:        Leah.
Leah:        Oh my gosh, no..!
Danielle:    What is it Leah?
Leah:        It’s Tamara.
Leah starts to pack her bag.
Beth:        Leah? Leah, what do you think you’re doing?
Leah:        I’ve gotta go Miss. It’s Tamara.
Beth:        I don’t care who it is, you’re not leaving my classroom.
Danielle:    What’s wrong?
Beth:        It’s her boyfriend Miss.
Danielle:    What is it?
Leah:        It’s Ethan. Ethan Daniels. You know in 12 B?
Beth:        Yes I know him.
Leah:        He’s dead Miss.
        He’s dead.    
        She’s like my best friend.